He Doesn't Want a Relationship....

So recently I met this guy who I'll refer to as 'New Boy'. We've been talking and texting pretty much every day since we met which is a big change from 'old dude' but we won't talk about him right now. After basically being strung along and played by Old Dude for the last couple of years, meeting someone new was a nice surprise. So far he seems like a genuinely nice guy and he's very easy to talk to. The one slight downside is that he has a kid which is new for me but let's not get carried away.

My real issue is that once we started talking about relationships and why neither of us are currently in relationships, he flat out said "I'm not in a relationship because I choose not to be; I don't want one right now." Le fucking sigh. That was disappointing to hear but I know enough to know that there's nothing I can do to change it. It's possible that he could change his mind during the course of our.....whatever it is......but I won't hold my breath. It's unfortunate because I DO want a relationship for the first time in a long time. Up until now I've been fine doing the single thing and being free but now I want something more. I think I'm going through a quarter life crisis.

Most people I know around my age (25) are engaged, married, having babies or at the very least are in long term committed relationships. I feel like I'm missing something but who knows. Anyway, for the time being I don't mind just casually "dating" this guy without it being anything serious. It just means that I can remain open to other people who may come into my life. If I find someone else I like then even better. There's no reason for me to close myself off to the possibilities.

That's all for now....

Out of Sight, Out of Mind or Absense Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I've reached a familiar phase in my "relationship" with this guy, if you can really call it that. We've been hanging out for a few weeks now but it's nothing really serious at this point. I find myself at a point now where I'm not really sure where things are going or how it's gonna end up.

The thing about me is that I tend to have a very short attention span when it comes to guys. If a guy isn't making his presence known in some form it's very easy to me to just stop caring and eventually forget about him altogether. Even the tiniest things will suffice, a phone call here, text message there, hell even drop a note on my Facebook wall. Just something to let me know you're around. Why you ask? Because I'm one of those out of sight out of mind people. I'm sure there are many folks out there for which absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am not one of those people. At least not long term.

In the beginning, I totally obsess over the next time I'm gonna speak to or see the boo of the moment. Then after a while it's just like whatever. I guess it's just as much my fault as his. If I really wanted to talk to you I could just as easily pick up the phone but after a while I don't really care enough to bother. That's kind of the point I'm at with this guy. I not so far gone that I just don't give a fuck anymore but right now I really feel like I could go either way. I can either be like screw it and stop caring or I can go back to a milder form of my usual obsession. It's kind of up in the air at this point and the fact that he never responded to my text yesterday isn't exactly helping. I wonder if I should call him today...hmm.

Whatever, I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

Is it a girl thing or am I just ridiculous?

Once again I've started obsessing over a guy after only really knowing him for a short time. Actually I met this guy almost a year ago but we've only recently starting hanging out or "dating" if you will. It was only one "date" so I don't know if I would call that dating anyway but whatever. The point is now I'm back to doing that ridiculous thing I do when I obsess over a guy to the point where it drives me crazy. I'm just wondering if this is a general girl thing or if I'm just weird like that.

Basically ever since Monday the 5th we've talked on the phone almost everyday. I saw him the Friday before that but didn't call because I knew he had some things going on. Then when I finally did talk to him Monday he's all "why didn't you call?" First, I didn't realize I was supposed to call and second I don't want to seem like I'm all up on his dick for lack of a better term. Anyway, for the rest of the week we talked on the phone at least once everyday, maybe more. Then Friday we had our little date then I spent all day Saturday with him until around 7pm. He told me he was kidnapping me so he would have my undivided attention.

He dropped me off Saturday evening and said to call him and in my mind I'm thinking like the next day or something. Wrong. When I called the next day he's all like "hey, you were supposed to call me" and I told him I didn't realize he meant that same day. I was just with you for almost an entire day so I figured we could both use a break. He mentioned something about us trying to work out when to see each other this week because he starts school again so with that and work he's gonna be busier than usual.

Now on to my ridiculousness. Is that a word? Whatever. Anyway, it's been a day and I haven't talked to him since yesterday afternoon sometime and I'm having a fit. WHY?!?! Why do I always to this to myself? I get way too attached way too fast and it becomes a problem. I mean here I am freaking out because this guy hasn't called me since yesterday! Who does that?!?! Is this normal? Do all girls do this or it is just me? Someone snap me out of this and help me come to my senses!

The Return of Penis Man

Oddly enough I don't think I've ever written on my blog about penis man before. I guess because around the time I started blogging I was pretty obsessed with my Aussie man I met on Spring Break (I actually talk about him in five different posts here, here, here, here, and here. Sad I know...smh). In that case I guess I should give a little back story on penis man and how he got that name.

I met this guy at a local bar that my friends and I always complain about yet still continue to go back there every now and again. It was dark and I had a few adult beverages in my system so I didn't really know what he looked like but he had to be at least somewhat cute or I never would've given him my number. Anyway, we texted a bit then I left to go back to school and we continued texting and talking on the phone for a while. Then came the penis incident. *sigh* Why me?

One morning I woke up to a text from him which was annoying because I was actually sleeping at the time and the phone woke me up so already I'm pissed. Then imagine my shock when I see a picture message of an erect penis, which I assume was his, and a message saying "morning wood for you." Umm, pardon me? Mind you I had only seen this guy in person one time which was the night we met. Everything else was just through the phone. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to do or say so I didn't do anything. I just ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. From then on I referred to him as Penis Man to my friends and in my mind. This was strike 1 by the way.

Fast forward several months later and he's back in the picture. He's actually been pretty persistent about talking to me and trying to hang out so I'll give him that. Unfortunately he's already on strike 2 after only a few weeks of us talking again. He said something along the lines of "I'm not really feeling this sarcastic, cynical thing." Really dude because that's kind of my personality. It didn't really register at first because I was a little tipsy when he said it but after sobering up the next morning it pissed me off. In fact the entire phone conversation that night was strange but it's too much to get into here. I'm really hoping he doesn't make strike 3 because aside from the things I mentioned he's actually a decent catch. He's cute, he meets the height requirement, he's in school, working and very focused. I dig.

Book Review: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

I've been wanting to read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey for a while now but with school I really didn't have much time for leisure reading. Now that I finally had the chance to read the whole thing I thought I'd share my thoughts with whoever stumbles upon this blog.

For those who don't know, the book is basically a relationship guide for women from a man's perspective. He gives pretty good insight about how men think about relationships which is very different from the way women thing about them. Anyway, I really liked the book. The only part I didn't read was the chapter about single parent dating because I don't have any kids so none of his advice on the subject would apply to me.

The main thing that really stood out to me was that women really do have a lot of power over what goes on in a relationship but either they don't realize it or they just don't use it. Steve talks about how women are the ones who decide when, where, or if they have sex with a guy. It doesn't always seem like it but when you think about it it's actually true. The best thing was where he said that women need to get standards which I totally agree with. Not like Chilli or anything but enough to let someone know that you're only going to accept the best. The women with standards are the ones he referred to as 'keepers' while those without standards are pretty much just 'game fish' to be thrown back once men get what they want from them (which is sex of course).

In the book he also talks about the differences between men and boys. He gives women questions to ask to guys they're interested in and based on their answers you can tell if he's a real man with his shit together (or at least working on getting it together) looking for a meaningful relationship or just a boy playing games to get some ass. I really don't feel like going into too much detail here but some of the questions were about his future plans, what he thinks of you, etc. Perfectly logical stuff that I don't think most women ask. I know I never have but I'll definitely start after reading this book. I'm not in the mood to deal with the same nonsense from guys anymore.

One thing I got from the book that I pretty much already knew is that all men are basically the same. But I'm sure most people knew that already. They're very simple creatures when you really think about it. And I don't mean that in a bad way. Anyway, long story short, I would definitely recommend this book to any woman out there wondering what the hell is up with dudes and how they can get the type of relationship they want. I'll give it 4 out of 5 stars.


p.s. On the radio show Steve said he's working on a second book where he drops even more knowledge about men for women. I'm looking forward to it :)

"Do you have any kids?"

Really sir? Since when did that become a pick-up line? I swear it's almost commonplace nowadays for guys to ask me that question. And not just any guys of course. Yep, you guessed it, it's the black guys who always ask that. Apparently every young black female HAS to have a child or multiple children and "baby daddys" out there. It's the new trend in the hood. My friends and I didn't get that memo.

The most annoying thing isn't even the question itself, it's that guys seem genuinely surprised when my friends and I tell them we don't have any children. My black girlfriends of course because I've never heard my white friends be asked that question. It probably happens, but I haven't seen it. Anyway back on topic...why is it a surprise that I don't have children? I just don't get it. And furthermore, why do you feel it's necessary for you to ask me that question within 10 minutes of meeting me? What is going on in the world where it's common and normal for a young unmarried girl to have kids? At this point it's even expected and it shouldn't be.

I think part of the problem is that so many of these young girls are out there trying to get pregnant on purpose to keep some no good man that only wanted them for sex in the first place. You see it all the time with all this 'Pregnancy Pact' nonsense and shows like 16 and Pregnant. Sweetie, have some self respect and while you're at it, some self control. I can't even tell you how many young girls that I grew up with that are my age and younger are turning up pregnant these days. I swear it must be something in the water. Depending on the circumstances getting pregnant at my age (23) isn't a bad thing, it's the young teenage girls that I worry about. But anyway I'm getting off topic again.

Back to the whole "do you have any kids" thing. I really can't stand when a guy asks me that because I think it's stupid to just assume someone has a child for no apparent reason. Do they feel the need to ask that just because I'm a twenty something black girl? I truly do not understand the logic behind this. I don't look around the bar and think "hmm, I bet he/she has a kid at home." I mean really, who does that? Maybe it just boils down to the fact that some people don't actually think before they speak. Who knows? I guess I'm done with my little rant for now. But just for the record, I'm very proud to be a 23 year old, single, African American female who does not have any children and has never been pregnant.

PS: Wear a condom kids!