A Random True Story: The Stalker

I'm bored, eating shrimp lo mein and watching Living Single so I decided to write a random blog post about this guy I was never involved with for your entertainment. Enjoy.

So, I knew this guy in high school, we'll just call him "Dan" as I'm not into putting people on blast for my personal enjoyment. Unless they've pissed me off but that's neither here nor there. Back in school Dan and I weren't really friends. I mean, we were acquainted, had classes together and traveled in the same social circle but we never actually hung out or anything. Anyway, the years went on, we graduated and went our separate ways. Me with barely a thought about Dan because, as I said, we were hardly friends. 

Cut to college and the beginning of the Facebook craze. Back then you actually had to have a college email address in order to sign up. Ahh, the good old days. Dan and I became FB friends and eventually AIM buddies as well (that's AOL Instant Messenger for the youngins). Am I the only one who would spend an obscene amount of time trying to come up with a catchy away status? More often than not it would just end up being song lyrics but now I'm getting off topic. I wanna say around freshman year of college was the first time Dan started showing some romantic interest in me. I wasn't interested. In fact, I went out of my way to avoid any type of in person meeting with him.

There were several times Dan asked me to hang out via AIM but I wouldn't. There was one incident in particular that threw me off. Dan is a black man and he told me that he'd never dated a black girl before. My teenage mind was shocked by such a revelation. Then he said something to the effect of "Your black parents would be happy" if we went out. Huh?! I just......what does that even mean? I don't know, it just through me off. Either way, I definitely wasn't interested.

Now, it's some time later and I'm home for the summer or winter break or something. Either way it's like I see Dan everywhere. Out at the club or at my favorite chain restaurant where he happens to work. What are the odds right? I began referring to him as my stalker when it seemed like I was seeing him everywhere all over town. I'm sure I was exaggerating but so what. I had a stalker. 

Fast forward to now and Dan randomly starts talking to me on Facebook messenger. I'd say it started a few months ago, it was still warm out. He asked me out yet again and I finally agreed to meet for drinks one evening. He said he got out of work around 7p so we agreed to meet about 730ish. Mind you, we'd never exchanged numbers all this time. I go, I sit, I wait for about a half hour to forty minutes. He never showed. Then I get a FB message from him asking what I'm doing at almost 830. Say what now? I'm sitting here waiting for you! Fuck you mean what am I doing?! Then he says he JUST got out of work. But I thought we were meeting at 730. Oh, the time I get out of work can vary depending on the case he tells me. This would have been nice to know BEFORE. 

Now, I really didn't want to go out with him in the first place but I was bored and sick of him asking. Plus now that I've matured, I figured I should just go for it because who knows, I might actually like the guy if I give him a chance. Well, he blew it. I felt like I was stood up. In fact, an older gentlemen at the bar left before I did but I ran into him on the way back to the parking garage. He actually stopped me and asked "Did your date not show up?" BURN. He then proceeded to ask if I wanted to grab a beer but he was easily in his 50s so I wasn't into it. Nice guy though.

I told Dan maybe some other time. We finally exchanged numbers but never made any real plans to hang. Then he started FB messaging me again. Not sure why since he was the one who wanted to exchange numbers in the first place. A couple of nights ago he asked if we could make plans to meet up again. I said I didn't think so. Why he asked. Because I'm not interested (never really was tbh) and now I have a boyfriend so that would just be fucked up. He didn't reply and I haven't heard from him since. 

And that is the random true story of my stalker. Now that I've written it all down, he wasn't all that much of a stalker. Oh well, too late to find a new nickname now. Bless your heart if you actually read all this. I'd probably just see the length of this post and decide to not even bother. But thanks if you're still here.

Good day kiddies.

My First Solo Mission???

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks (YAY!) and I really want to do something other than the usual. The usual being going to the local bar/nightclub that I've been to a million times already. After thinking on it a bit I decided that I really, REALLY want to go to Miami for by birthday. It's perfect because it's on a Thursday and I don't have class Friday so I could catch an early flight and spend the weekend.

Now the problem is finding people, or at least one person, to go with. A lot of people I know went to Miami over the last couple of weeks for spring break so that pretty much counts them out. If I had known I was gonna be sitting around my house unable to work because my manager never returned my calls I would have gone too but that's another story. I'm trying to get my friend to go because her birthday is the day after mine but I don't know if it's gonna happen.

All this is making me wonder if I should just go on my own. As scary of a thought as that is, I really want to go so I should. Why should a lack of a travel buddy stop me from doing what I want to do and going where I want to go? Especially on my birthday which should be all about me anyway. My main issue with going solo is that I'm worried I'll spend the whole trip by myself which is the last thing I want. My naturally quiet nature has me seriously doubting whether I'll be able to make friends to hang out and party with while I'm there.

If I go I plan on staying in this hostel I stayed at last year for spring break because it's a more social setting so that should make it easier to meet people. Plus there was a ton of people there who traveled alone so we'd be in the same boat. Right? Anyway, I guess I still have a little time to decide for sure.

I'm really not sure that I'm ready to (literally) fly solo but maybe it would be good for me to just jump in with both feet. You never know until you try right?

Deuces!

I'm Inspired!!!

While reading another blog over on Wordpress, a quote from the author of the blog really inspired me:

"I think it’s absolute ludicrous to NOT do something just because you don’t have a companion. You will waste your whole life waiting on others to agree to do what YOU want. Makes no sense."

I swear this totally speaks to my life. So many times I don't do things or I end up altering the things I want to do just because my friends don't want to do them with me or I feel like I have to appease them. What the hell was I thinking?!?! There are a few things out there that I just feel aren't any fun to do without a companion like going to an amusement park, but so many other things I could do on my own and be just fine. There's no reason in the world for me not to do something I really want to do just because I can't get anyone to do it with me. Screw that. I need to live my own life and live it for myself.

It's gonna take baby steps but it's gonna be worth it in the end and much more fulfilling when I get to do all the things I want to do. My first mission: Go to the movies alone (I know it's not much but I'm trying okay, geez). 

Thanks to Dash of Reality for that reality check. I SO needed that in my life right now.

Relaxed or Natural

A pretty heated debate in the Black community. I've heard/read some comments from natural women saying that Black women get relaxers because somewhere in their mind they want to look White or because they are ashamed of their natural hair. That may actually be true for some people but it kind of sounds like bullshit to me. Then there are the relaxed girls who say they get relaxers because they just don't want "nappy" hair and the straight hair is easier to manage. That's pretty much the case for me. I just like my hair straight. It's that simple. There's no underlying reason buried deep in my subconscious. It is what it is.

I can't for the life of me understand why all this deep philosophical thinking goes into something like hair. No offense to my natural girls but from what I've seen and heard it's mostly you all who are making a big thing about relaxers, hair textures, etc. What's the big damn deal? It's just hair! Why do you care what I do with my hair anyway? I'm the one who has to live with it so why is the fact that I use a chemical straightener so significant to you?. Why does it bother you so much? Now I'm not saying all natural women are like this. But I don't like how some of them seem to look down on you or make you feel bad for having a relaxer like it's the worst thing in the world. That natural hair on your head doesn't bother me at all because that's your business. I don't look at you and think "ugh, this nappy headed bitch needs to straighten that mess" because that would be mean and unnecessary. And to be honest I don't really care that much about what decide to do with YOUR hair. So I don't understand why you care so much about MY hair.

Anyway, a couple of my friends are starting to transition over to Team Natural and it started making me think about my own hair. After doing a little (emphasis on the little) research I'm seriously considering going the natural route. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna rock an afro, braids or dreads because when I try to picture myself with any of those hairstyles it just looks all kinds of wrong. I don't mind giving up the relaxer and being chemical free but I still want straight hair. Does that mean I'm not really natural? Maybe, at least according to some sources. I'm NOT doing any kind of big chop on my hair because I really like length and the TWA isn't for me. You can't even imagine how weird I would look with any kind of afro, much less a teeny weeny one. I hear it's harder to transition with the two different hair types but it can be done, it just takes more work.

I just got a relaxer at the beginning of this month so I still have a good amount of time to decide if this is something I really want to stick with. No matter what I'm still gonna straighten my hair just in a more healthy, non permanent way. I'll let you know what happens.

Religion, Church and the Bible: My Thoughts

Another one of those hot button topics out there. My problem with the religion and church thing is when people try to force their beliefs on me or make me feel bad for not thinking the same way they do. For example, my dad. He's in church pretty much every Sunday and he's always trying to get me to go with him and I probably will eventually but no time soon (and not because I want to, but because he wants me to and I figure it's the least I can do). The thing that bugs me is that when I say no he's all "don't you want to go to heaven?" Really daddy? I love you but calm the fuck down. Sorry but I refuse to believe that not going to church is an automatic ticket to hell. And I don't think I should be made to feel bad for my decision not to go.

In the past I never had a specific reason for not going to church, I just didn't want to. But now I don't want to go because I don't agree with some of the things that are taught in church and I feel that some religious people take the Bible WAY too literally. I personally don't feel that the Bible is something that's meant to be taken word for word. I mean think about it. Look who wrote it and when. A bunch of semi-anonymous old white dudes somewhere in the beginning of time. Do I really want to live my life based on their words? They say it's what God says but how do I know that? How does anyone? Are we just supposed to take their word for it? To an extent I suppose but, I don't know. To be honest, old white dudes haven't always been kind to my people in the past so forgive me if I don't want to heed their advice.

Then there's the whole obedient wife thing I talked about in another post. And of course everyone's favorite topic: homosexuality. On Sunday mornings on BET they show sermons, etc from various preachers, churches and what not. One day I heard a pastor say something about how being gay is wrong, a sin, blah blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, yadda yadda yadda. Of course the whole ignorant congregation was in agreement with this fool. At that point I decided I was done with church. If I had to sit there and listen to that idiotic nonsense about how "wrong" homosexuality is I think I might stand up and scream right in the middle of the service. Idiots. One thing I absolutely can not stand is homophobia. It truly pisses me off to no end. I talk about that a little bit here. I just have a serious problem with perpetuating hate and ignorance under the guise of religion. Don't blame your closed mind on God, it's not a good look. Anyway, that's all for now.

ps: I went to Catholic school for 8 years and yes I do believe in God, just not sure about the "institution" of religion (if that makes sense).

Grad School...yay or nay?

This decision has been weighing on my mind lately. To be honest I never even considered the possibility of grad school until they handed out some survey in class about a new DNP program for nursing. I'm not graduating from school until next year but I'm so indecisive about everything I really need to start thinking seriously about this now.

First off, I don't NEED a masters degree. Once I graduate I'll have my BSN then I can take the NCLEX, get my RN license and be an official nurse. As an RN I can get a job and work anywhere and be totally fine. Bottom line is, a masters degree isn't necessary for me to have the career I want. Also, going for my masters means at least 2 more years of school, maybe 3 depending on the school and the type of program. I've already been in school much longer than I should have or wanted to be. With setbacks, being out of school for a period of time, and having to retake classes, I'm graduating way after I was supposed to. Because of this I really, REALLY don't want be in school any longer than absolutely necessary. Another thing is that more school also means more money, which means more student loans, which means more debt after I graduate. I'm already cringing at the thought of all the money I'm gonna owe when I finally do get out of this place. *sigh*

On the up side, with a masters degree I would be able to get a higher level job which means better pay and more authority. Nothing wrong with that. And of course, I'll be able to have more letters at the end of my name...Hahaha. Wow, way more negatives than positives for the masters degree so it's looking like a no but I'm still not entirely sure. Add to the negatives the fact that I would have to take that stupid GRE just to get into grad school...ugh.

Anyway, like I said I have no idea what I'm gonna do about this. I still have some time to decide and with school at least you know it's always there. But I think it would be harder to go back if I were out for a while, unlike if I just went straight through. *sigh* So many decisions.