Why can't I just get over it?! UGH!

What the hell is my problem? I mean seriously, why do I ALWAYS do this to myself? No matter what happens I always find a way to end up liking guys way more than I probably should. Then I start obsessing and it turns into this whole big thing that's mostly just in my mind because I always think of all these random scenarios that are never going to happen. Ordinarily my over-liking (pretty sure I just made that up) of a guy wouldn't be a problem but in this case it's turning into an issue....in my head at least.

I'm pretty sure I broke some kind of unspoken relationship rule because I stupidly fell for a guy on vacation. There are four previous posts about this guy which just goes to show how ridiculous I am...smh. Anyway, a little backstory on this guy: I met this hot Australian dude with rock hard abs while I was on spring break in Miami. We hung out, partied, and all that good stuff but then I had to go back to reality while he continued to travel around the US for another few weeks. We were keeping in touch via text until he smashed his phone so now it's been reduced to the occasional Facebook message. We were trying to make plans to meet up once more before he left to go back to Australia but I'm pretty sure that's not happening since I think he's leaving next week (according to Facebook that is).

Isn't part of the fun of being on vacation meeting lots of people you like, having fun with them and maybe exchanging a few numbers and leave it at that? Apparently I didn't get that memo. I couldn't even give anyone else a real chance while I was on break because I was so hooked on this guy. And the fact that I met him on our very first night there didn't help at all because I spent the entire week trying to find ways to hang with him. Also the fact that we're so much a like and have the same sarcastic and borderline mean sense of humor makes it even harder to get over him.

But, slowly but surely I think I really am starting to get over him....finally. It took a good friend of mine to point out the truth that I already knew which is that I met this guy on vacation, he lives all the way in Australia and it was fun while it lasted but it's time to move on. This is nothing new. I knew these things already but somehow it didn't really register for me until my friend said it to me out loud. And she's right, it was cool while it lasted but deep down I knew it would never amount to anything more than a temporary vacation fling. He's a cool dude and I hope we keep in touch in case he ever comes back to the states for a visit or in the off chance that I someday travel to Australia but in the mean time it's time to let that go. It's been real!

"I'm a lot wiser and a little older, hey baby it was nice to know ya. Goodbye T.O.N.Y."

A rant....

These are some thoughts that I typed on my iTouch a few weeks ago when I was on Spring Break in Miami. I couldn't really talk about it to my friends so I decided then and there to start keeping something of a journal and this is what was produced over the course of about 2 days.

Part 1:
I feel stupid about this guy. Like I'm being annoying or just looking really thirsty when I don't think I am. I just think he's a nice, cute guy that I want to hang with while I'm here. What's wrong with that? I hate not knowing what's going on with dudes. So annoying. I expected way too much and now I'm disappointed with the outcome. And I can't even make contact again today so I'm just done for the moment. I don't want to play myself any harder than I already have.

Part 2:
Still trying really hard not to feel stupid but I do. I thought this guy liked me and maybe he really does but he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Now I'm wondering if I just fell for the game yet again or if I'm making something out of nothing like I always do. I think my instincts about guys intentions are usually pretty accurate but right now I'm not sure. I really don't want him to be just another well disguised jerk but that's what I'm afraid is happening. But then I usually tend to think of the worst possible scenario in every situation so who knows.

Part 3:
7pm and still watching my phone. Kinda pathetic isn't it? Ugh, I just don't know anymore and I'm pretty bummed about the whole thing at this point. That's the problem when you're the kind of girl who falls too hard too fast ALL the time. I wish I could control when and how I fall but I guess you're not supposed to.

Part 4 (the next day):
So it turns out his phone died so that's why he didn't text me back. For that I can't really be mad at him. On the negative side he kind of blew me off for our dinner plans. First he asked me if I wanted to meet up for dinner around 7. Then around 6:20 he says he just got in the bathroom so it's gonna be awhile. Ok, fine. Then I don't hear from him for a while so I text and say 'hey, what's up with dinner?' He says he already had dinner and he thought I was gonna have dinner with my friends. Really dude? WTF?! At this point I'm pissed but it's my vacation so I'm not gonna let it get me down.

On The Beach

A little something I jotted down after a somewhat romantic interlude during spring break:

Think I fell in love last week
We spent nights walking on the beach
He says so wrong things just like me
He kept me laughing endlessly
My Aussie hubs just for Spring Break
Loving on the beach and staying out late
Sad we had to go our separate ways
I hope we meet again someday